I AM A FARMER.

When I'm at home, there's a reason why I lie down whenever I have a chance. If there is a purpose for standing and sitting, there is no purpose for lying down. The aimless state exerts a healing effect. This is the virtue that playing gives us. <of Adult Vocabulary>

When I was farming in Korea, I repeatedly stood up and sat down while the sun was up. On nights when there was no sun, I went to sleep with my children. I was still in mourning, I slept for many hours like a child. Farming was exhausting, but every morning, I woke up for my parents who had raised me by farming my whole life and for my two little children. I went out to the farm again. My body moved busily, but my mind was getting more and more empty. I knitted clothes for the children to wear and a bag to carry as needed to fill the emptiness. I carried the things I made every day, but my heart didn't seem to be filled.

After coming back to the States, I painted on a wooden panel. It was not to fill the empty wall, but it made me very satisfied just looking at it just on the floor after finishing. Looking at the work I finished aimlessly filled my heart.

When I was a child, my mother used to make pretty hats with her crochet hooks all night long for me. They were the only hats in the world that went well with the pretty clothes I had. I am confident that it was love worthy of envy to everyone. I thought I would continue to receive that precious love, but soon after I became a mother, my mother passed away. Which is when I started farming my mother used to do.

I was married, had children, farmed, and losing myself. My house was always a mess and had nothing ready to eat even though I cleaned and cooked every day. It was taken for granted that my children were growing up regardless of my presence. Even though I did farm work every day, farming was never thought of as my destiny.

My time spent in the world doing other things made me thirst for painting more.

I had to draw and wanted to have the strength to raise my children through it. Just like my mom and dad raised me by farming... . I paint like a farmer.